Honest Titles for Sweet Valley Twins

I just thought of something new to blog about.
Like the "Honest Movie Trailers" on YouTube, here's the some titles of SVT books that are more accurate than the real ones.

1. Best Friends, Except When it Suits the Story for The Twins to Have a Falling Out, And They Always Make Up Neatly at the End
2. Elizabeth is Teacher's Pet, But Not Really, Because Jessica Just Wants All the Attention in Ballet Class
3. The House That's Not Haunted; It's Just an Excuse to be Shitty to the New Girl
4. Elizabeth's Best Friend Amy Wants to Be a Cheerleader Because She's Good at Gymnastics But the Unicorns Hate Her
5. Jessica is Terrible at Dog-Sitting, in Order to Go to A Rock Concert
6. Girls Who Seem Snobby and Mean are Really Just Having Trouble Dealing with Their Parents' Divorce

(will upload pix later)
Here's the real ones for now:

lolololol.
See Also: Paperback Paradise, who is not me, but is hilarious (s/he looks at the dopey vintage cover and writes a new title based on what s/he thinks it should be about)
Also maybe I should be on Twitter. (no don't make me)

Now publishing in Paperback through KDP

WOOT
OK now you can use the link at the right for both Kindle & PB

New Year, no new books.

I thought, what if I just went ahead and published Books #4 and 5? (Book 6 needs work). And if I continued the series, and wrote more books than just #1-6, I could re-publish those books with updated listings of all the books in the series inside, just like SVT did when they kept churning out new books in their series. But, no one cares, so why Supply when there isn't Demand? It's not Pottermore all up in here, alas.
Last night I re-read books 2 and 3 (found a couple minor typos STILL in Book 3), and thought they were Kicky Awesome. Probably because I'm ovulating and feeling good about myself. There were lots of newer bits that I had forgotten I'd added.
At some point I'm going to blog ideas for future books (Piper is the Count Olaf* of Saccharin Valley Twits: she can't kill them but won't stop trying, and won't ever go away), and maybe "Rejected Ideas For Evil Stories (see previous post)" that include the purple-prose semi-erotic fanfic-y stories I wrote when I was younger. That is what an author would do if her books were popular, which mine aren't (yet).
Also, on my KDP Sales Report, I saw there was a "Units Returned" (1). Aww, boo. But, that's only one out of however many people that have bought them. I hope it wasn't from formatting issues (on Kindle)!

In the meantime I keep posting pictures that show "Defaced SVT" on my FB page (Polly Esther Rayon).

*Super excited about the ASUE Netflix Series! Based on the casting I've already seen, it's going to be nifty. Entertainment Weekly graded it A-. They hated the new Oz-based series on NBC (Emerald City), though. I liked it, maybe. They had Tip and Mombi, so that was kicky. (From the second book, referring to Princess Ozma under a spell.)  And OLAFUR (Darri Olafsson) was one of the munchkins. I'm still re-reading the L. Frank Baum Books and Tarl Terlford's prequels. I also think movies could be made based on Danielle Paige's Dorothy Must Die series. Those were awesome and paid attention to the other Baum books (i e including characters like Jellia Jamb). In a way, my parodies are like that - taking characters that everyone supposedly loved (the Sweet Valley Twins) and subverting them - The Twins Must Die. (Bwaha).
ETA: Hey, I see a new 5-star review on GoodReads!! Thank you Carley Adair! That makes me happy